The New Gods

While the modern day heros strut their stuff on the world stage in the evolution of ancient amphitheaters and colossal gladiatorial pits, The Lovely Reds has been in Greece, the original land of the gods. This got us thinking, if the great stories of Homer were rewritten today who from the world of football would be cast as Zeus and his fellow deities?

Zeus - the king of the gods, the big daddy, this has to be Pele whose face has been attached to every piece of merchandise going during the tournament. Interviewed by every major news station and shown in the stands whenever he attends a fixture, Pele is the original footballing deity and his fame has forged a path for others to follow in his footsteps.

Hermes - The messenger to the gods, Hermes was known to be light of foot, carried by his winged shoes. Arjen Robben the swift-footed Dutchman set a new record sprint during the tournament's group stages, and has continually left players in his dust on delivering the ball to goal.

Dionysus - the god of wine and festivities. Judging from this article, Andrea Pirlo (who actually owns and runs his own vineyard) knows how to have a good time on the old sauce.

Atlas - 'the man with the weight of the world of the world on his shoulders' could be a number of players, from Leonel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney. But of all the great individuals to feature in this world cup, Neymar more than any other player, is carrying the expectations of not just a  nation, but the world squarely on his slight shoulders  scratch that, with Neymar's cracked vertebrae it shows that he's not an immortal, Leo Messi it is can he shake the demon of underperforming for Argentina and bring home the cup?

Poseidon - Lord of the Ocean. For taking an alleged dive Nigeria's goalkeeper Vincent Enyeama for flapping limply at a crossed corner, leaving the ball for France's Paul Pogba to head home and then posing with the goal scorer after the match!

Ares - the god of war. This could be the entire Honduras squad who were intent on reducing every match to a bloodbath in the pursuit of the hallowed clean sheet. Other individuals like the Netherlands' Nigel De Jong are infamous for their bloodlust and penchant for chest high challenges. But in homage to our Greek theme and for 15 years service to one of the hardest working teams out there, Georgos Karagounis would be Ares for his love of a good old midfield scrap and his warrior-like qualities. Special mention to Nigeria's Emmanuel Emenike.

Hades - God of the underworld, his face worn in a evil smile, Hades wears a cloak made from the souls of the damned and sits atop a throne of bones. Luis Suarez. Hated by everyone apart from the Uruguayan press, he is the harbinger of pain and suffering (just ask Chiellini).

Nemesis - Goddess of revenge. There are a few revenge stories from this world cup, the Netherlands demolition of Spain in the group stages, Algeria's heroics against Germany (although they fell just short) A special mention to the Cameroon squad who took revenge on their national footballing federation, who were late on paying the players their appearance bonuses. By playing poorly and leaving the competition early, those players sure showed the beaurocrats who's boss....

Hecate - Goddess of ghosts, Wayne Rooney for being non-existent (yet again).

Nike - Goddess of Victory........

Rumble in the Jungle

Let's begin with some encouraging facts in the aftermath of England's defeat.

1) England have never failed to qualify from the group stages of every World Cup in which they have featured.

2) In 2010 Spain went on to win the World Cup in South Africa despite losing their opener to Switzerland.

3) Uruguay, the highest ranked team in the group just got their arses handed to them on a silver platter by a Costa Rica side who are there for the beating.


Now I'm not saying that England are destined to win the competition for losing their opener, or maybe I am, but an opening defeat is by no means a disaster.

I think we can all agree that there were some extremely encouraging signs in the form of a bandy legged, mohicaned starlet named Raheem Sterling (who incidentally grew up down my road) and behind only Pirlo the best player on the pitch by a country mile.

This was a far more evenly contested match than their last competitive meeting in the quarter finals of the Euros in 2012, where the match went the full 120 minutes. Deadlock was decided by penalties and Pirlo's Panenka, despite the best and slightly deranged efforts of shampoo model and part-time footballer Joe Hart.

In that game Italy dominated both possession and chances created but couldn't find a winner. By contrast this was a match in which for spells England were the dominant force, peppering the Italian goal and keeping the Italians penned into their own half.

Ultimately however the Italians proved to be just a touch stronger, victorious through a combination of dazzling midfield control and experience to be composed when in possession higher up the field. They picked their moments well, Marchisio's finely placed long-rage effort found the bottom corner whilst Balotelli did his job well and converted the one clear opportunity he had, small differences which hopefully England will improve upon. The key phrase here is 'small differences' not gaping chasms of disparity between a great Italian side and a ponderous lackluster England outfit.

Right now on to how sh*t Rooney is....just kidding, sort of. Undoubtedly a talented man I just want to validate the following paragraph by saying that I consider Rooney to be a top player but not an England winger. As Hoddle said on yesterday's BBC show play him in his preferred position or don't play him at all.

Yes Rooney's perfectly weighted cross assisted Sturridge for England's equaliser but his lack of defensive experience proved to be England's undoing as both of Italy's goals started with a marauding Darmian and Candreva down Italy's right flank. Baines was left high and dry without any semblance of defensive cover and was overwhelmed and outdone by overlapping full-back play to which England had no answer.

Many will argue that Rooney has to play but why not play him in place of Wellbeck and put Milner on the left, a man who is as good going forward (Manchester City vs Bayern Munich) as he is defending. It may dampen our forward speed a touch but could be the difference between qualification and going home early, particularly with Costa Rica's Joel Campbell in scintillating form and Suarez due to return for Uruguay, two players who enjoy pulling wide and finding space between the centre backs and full backs. Baines needs to be able to concentrate of doing his job and Milner will give him confidence to do so.

Some encouraging signs then based on Costa Rica's demolition of Uruguay. England's comparative strength at set plays versus Uruguay's obvious lack of height and confidence at defending crosses should prove to work in our favour.

Similarly the obvious problems Uruguay had when defending Joel Campbell should prove an indicator of how well they will fare against our versions in Sterling, Sturridge, Wellbeck and co. the message being more of the same please, with some added defensive nous and a deeper lying Steven Gerrard to provide an extra bit of solidity when defending. Alternatively we could kidnap Pirlo and force him at gunpoint to repatriate as an Englishman (the process involves shaving off the beard and starting a highly publicised affair with an aged prostitute) which should hold us in better stead for the remainder of the competition.

Uruguay next, Suarez, Godin and Perralta tasty wild-eyed lunatics with a history of doing well on the world stage but nothing the lovely reds can't handle. Both teams out for points to stay in the competition, two losses for either will most likely spell an early exit. For the first time in a long time I am genuinely excited by watching England play so thanks Raheem Sterling, even if you did try and mug me in year 10.

See you on Thursday!

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