Wednesday, 12 February 2014

The Olivier Giroud Cash Prize Giveaway

We’ve suffered enough this season. So much so that The Lovely Reds needed several months in rehab to gradually wean ourselves off the concoction of substances required to help us sleep at night. Most of the time it worked but we still sometimes wake up drenched in cold sweat, other nights trapped in a state of sleep paralysis as Hazard creeps towards us, his abnormally large posterior edging ever closer to our terrified face.
So much has happened since our last post that it would be unwise to attempt to delve into the minutiae of every game since the turn of the year, however what we will do is have a brief look back at the last couple of games and crack straight on with our unique assessment of the games to come.....gulp.

Firstly, Da F*** happened at Anfield? A game which promised so much given we comprehensively outplayed this same side earlier in the season, turned into a bloodbath the likes of which we are unlikely to see again for a long time. This game made the drubbing at Eastlands look like a mild encounter with a particularly feisty dominatrix, as opposed to the Gacy-esque destruction we experienced in Liverpool.
Despite the scoreline at the Emirates earlier this season, a comfortable 2-0 victory with goals from S. Cazorla and the Welsh Jesus, the warning signs were there.

Even then we were sloppy at times with possession on the halfway line when  Arteta or Ramsey gave the ball away through misplaced or under hit passes which immediately sent their attacking players through. On the day it must be said we were fortunate not to concede at least one goal, our eventual clean sheet put down to a combination of Sturridge’s selfishness, Suarez’s inaccuracy and Mertescielny’s defensive stoutness. The post-match image of an SAS shaped compartment in Mertescielny’s back pocket was, we thought at the time a little unwarranted, however we were happy to laugh and bask in the warm, buttery afterglow of a valuable three points against a rejuvenated Liverpool side.

How we were made to pay for similar grievances this time around. I cannot remember a more sloppy, disinterested performance than last Sunday. By our evaluation only two players looked remotely engaged(Wilshere and Őx), the others like schoolchildren during the last week of summer term, lazily writing notes while their eyes stare listlessly at the paper.

Perhaps they were tired, players like Őzil understandably need time to acclimatise to the rigours of the Premier League, whilst Wilshere and Arteta have only recently returned from lengthy injury spells. But even if this was the case we now have enough strength in depth in midfield options that this shouldn't be allowed to affect our forward momentum.

We can’t have been the only ones crying out for a first half substitution when the scoreline was 3-0 and, although an almighty task, still surmountable. Rosicky has proven himself to be dynamic and attacking yet with the forsight and stamina to facilitate our version of the high-line pressing defence. In our humble opinion, S. Cazorla should have made way for the Czech, whilst Őzil who was clearly having a torrid time should have been taken off for either Purple Rain (Podolski, Prince Poldi, Prince, ‘insert Prince reference’) or Serge Gnäbry. Although you could argue that taking off both of our most talented, bandy legged magicians could have limited our ability to unlock a fired-up Liverpool defence, it can sometimes boil down to having the type of players who may not be as technically gifted but have the stamina and positional awareness to do a better all-round job especially when our defence was so hopelessly exposed.

This leads us onto a pressing issue concerning our performances against other teams in the top four this season. Considering Wenger has proven time and time again to be a master of foresight (he summers with Himalayan monks every four years to re-align his chi) why do we career head first  into matches against other teams who have proven themselves to be ruthless in attack. 

What good is it taking on a team like Manchester City, Liverpool or Manchester United  in a game of ‘first one to ten wins’ when their strike forces cost £15 billion, £32 trillion and £Roman Abramovich respectively whilst our Generation Game conveyor belt slowly reveals Olivier Giroud (who we actually really like and think has been outstanding for us at times this season). It just doesn't work.

All this does is place a huge amount of pressure on the midfield who in matches against a higher level of opposition don’t have the time and space afforded by other teams. This has been especially prescient given our only real box-to-box midfielder Aaron Ramsey (hallelujahh, haaaallelluujaaaahh) is out of action. The others such as S. Cazorla and Őzil are masters of finding space in the final third of the pitch but can be found wanting in games where they are forced to build up play from the halfway line.

In games where we are successful a similar pattern emerges in our build up and it goes thusly: Szczesny to either Mertesacker or Koscielny who pull out wide, they pass to either Wilshere or Arteta whoever is free and deepest lying. They then pass it out to either Sagna or Gibbs who look to move up the line to one of our creative minxes.

They at this point begin an intricate movement of backwards and forwards passes, out to the touchline and then back just inside, left and right pulling the defence either way until the space is available to drive into the box using Giroud as an outrageously handsome ping pong table, setting a player free for a shot at goal from close range.

Our flair players by this point have made their way into the opposition’s final third in preparation to execute the intricate assault on the opposition’s goal.

When the opposition is able enough to press our central midfielders and full backs we are left wanting for options, our forward players are left isolated and too far from our own goal to slow down the opposition’s counter attack. Like a blackberry smartphone whose rollerball thingy is a wee bit broken our players seem to jig from left to right unable to understand that the set routine isn't working (I jst wnt 2 gt in2 my emails, y m I on photos L). The resultant hurried pass back to our CM or CB is then cut out or the floundering player is dispossessed.

We conceded at least 4 goals between the Manchester City and Liverpool games due to misplaced passes from full back positions to central midfield or losing the ball on the halfway line due to a lack of options. Our defence is only so good, but when completely exposed and playing a high line we look utter pony at the back.

Looking ahead to tonight’s match against Manchester United (looool) we must have a plan b if they decide to go all out for the first half an hour and press us with an intensity akin to City and Liverpool. We like to play an extremely fast, fluid version of football but if we have to we must be prepared to build slowly and have less possession if it means we keep more players in areas that can shield the back four  and prevent swift counter attacks.

Maybe the issue boils down to the physiotypes we have playing in the middle of the park, but considering this is the team we have for the rest of the season and that we are very much in the title race we have to be more adaptable to get points against Chelsea, United and City in the next two months.


We’re back baby and boy does it feel good.

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